Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
