Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
wow bdsm is so cute
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
