Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
