I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
