the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
