I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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