I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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