dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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