Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
