At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
