just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
