remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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