Yo dont text me then not text me
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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