I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
