saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
