he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
