Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
i think i just lost a toe
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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