Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
