By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
