Kiss
Puke
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
