guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
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