Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
