he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
