he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
