I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You are the jesus of drinking
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
