i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
it glows. i had to have it.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
