just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
