thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
