Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
