So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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