Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
