Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
