Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
