Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
