maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
