3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
