omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
