he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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