I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
