Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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