I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I can't put those talents on a resume
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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