My room smells like vodka and shame
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
