Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
