He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
