She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
