So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
