Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
