Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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