This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
