I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
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