So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
