She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
